Revisions in Action, Part 3: Music Talk

This post could also be titled "Thank you, Flintstones!" because it's thanks to Fred Flintstone's "Yabadabadooooo!" that I've figured out how to translate music talk into English.

What's music talk, you ask?

Well, have you ever heard people who play instruments talking about the pieces of music they practise? They often use nonsense words like lalalala when describing a particular passage in the music. The first time I consciously noticed this was twenty years or so ago when I was talking to my very good friend Petra about some piece or other and it suddenly struck us how utterly ridiculous we sounded.

I was reminded of this conversation when I wrote a particular scene in SPRINGTIME PLEASURES where Charlie and her new friend Lady Isabella are discussing what Isabella might play on the fortepiano at an upcoming party. Izzy thinks a Haydn sonata would do nicely.

"I have already narrowed it down to two options. One" - she gave Charlie an expectant look - "the sonata in A major that starts with dlummM-tadatadada-tidabambah," she sang, her fingers playing an invisible fortepiano on her lap. "You know, the one with all the triplets?"

"Hmm," Charlie said. "Tricky things, triplets."

Isabella's face fell a little. "Yes. Yes, you are right. Not suitable for a first performance."

"No."

"No." Isabella took a deep breath. "What then do you think of the sonata in C major where the right hand starts with bllum-dam-dam-dam bllum-dam-dam-dam, and the left hand goes yabadaba yabadaba yabadaba yabadaba? It is quite lovely, and it is one of my favourites."

So you can clearly see where Fred is coming in. To choose nonsense words in a foreign language is rather tricky, I can tell you, and it took me a while to figure out how to translate the German "jabadaba" into English - until I eventually remembered the Flintstones. :-)

Revisions in Action, Part 2: The Sphinx

So I've got this scene in SPRINGTIME PLEASURES where a character mentions travels in Egypt. Here is the relevant dialogue:

"And to Egypt?" Charlie asked.

"Indeed, I have."

"Then have you seen the Sphinx? Is it as elegant as it appears in the prints?"

XY smiled. "I must confess I considered its head to be somewhat small. Indeed, there are those who believe that it once had a different head. A lion's head, perhaps, to go with the rest of the body."

"Surely, a lion is rather imposing, too," Charlie said cautiously, "but a Sphinx is an altogether different matter!"

Innocent enough, right?

But it was only after I had written this that I vaguely remembered to have read an article on Egypt during the early 19th century. I also remembered that the Regency prints accompanying this article showed a Sphinx that was largely buried underneath the sand.

 AAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!!!!! (The print on the cover of this issue of Jane Austen's Regency World dates from 1804.)

This nicely illustrates the dangers of an innocent throw-away line in a historical romance, and the amount of research you might be obliged to do when you are determined to use such throw-away lines. Did people even know what was underneath the sand? Did they really suspect that she might have had a lion's head once upon a time????

In the same scene I also happen to mention a zebra. *head desk* Since I wrote that scene, I have learnt about the menagerie in the upper rooms of the Exeter Exchange on the Strand and about the royal menagerie in the Tower of London, both of which operated long before the London Zoological Gardens opened. How I have to figure out whether one of them housed a zebra. *head desk, head desk, head desk*

Revisions in Action, Part 1

Regarding one particular scene, my editor's notes read: "I wanted a more intense reaction on Charlie's part. And she can realize that's why he doesn't seem interested in other things most young men of his kind would be [...]."

So, among other things, I added a few more sentences to the following paragraph (additions in colour):

Too shocked to speak, Charlie stared at her. This was truly monstrous! The poor man! She remembered the lines of strain in his face that evening in those moments when his polite mask had slipped. No wonder he looked like three days of rain!  In his situation anybody could be excused if they suffered from an attack of the blue devils. Merely thinking about the gross injustice done to him made her feel sick.

(Also, Tortured Hero alert!)

Revisions for SPRINGTIME PLEASURES

With the usual amount of chaos and panicking, I finished SPRINGTIME PLEASURES on 14 July and sent the manuscript to my new editor, the lovely Bev Katz Rosenbaum. As I still had to write the love scene that very day (and when I finally got around to it, my characters just wouldn't stop, and Griff turned out to be a bit a of a devil), I was - oh my gosh! - SOOOO happy for the time difference between Europe and North America.

Bev read the manuscript in one sitting and sent me a list with necessary revisions the very next day. Her critique started thus:

Sandra, I loved this book! What a great character you've created in Charlie! Your voice is so strong and unique, and you have a real gift for dialogue. This was a wonderful, witty read!

I'm totally keeping Bev. :-)

She sent me a list with 18 things that, in her opinion, need improvement (that's not counting the not-quite-finished scene with the Great Sphinx of Giza). In two cases, I don't share her opionion, so these two points will be disregarded. That leaves me with 16 (mostly minor) things to work on this week. AND with the Sphinx, of course.



The print out of the manuscript has just finished, so I guess I better start working.